true colors

I finished the season one of Glee, the ending was so cute and now I've got at least 10 new Glee songs in my iTunes!

As the year is coming to and end, I can't help but look back on 2009 and reminisce on the many things, both good and bad, that have happened over these 365 days. Last night before I went to sleep I thought to myself, "Gee..this is the last night I'll fall asleep and wake up to another day of 2009. When I go to sleep tomorrow and wake up in the morning, it'll be a brand new year." I was so so so so so very nostalgic. I'm really looking forward to 2010, for that matter. It's not like any other new year where you make new year resolutions that you're never going to keep. I realized that I'm a step closer to being 18, to graduating, to starting college, and so much more. I'm really hoping that this year will open my eyes to a lot more than I saw this past year and a lot of doors will be opened for me. I wish I could say that I have a list of things that I want to change and things I want to accomplish over the upcoming new year, but I decided, no more useless resolutions. I'm going to take everything one step at a time and I'll take it all of it as it comes towards me one by one.

"The only people you need in life are the people that prove to you that they need you in theirs." & "I've been let down by the people that I love, but I will not let down the people who love me."

My last post of 2009! ---
Thank you to all the people I met over the year, the people I got to know a lot better, the people I've lost respect for, the people who have showed me how much I mean to them, and most importantly, my grandparents for being patient with me and bearing with my imperfection.

That's it for today.
xoxo.

and these are my confessions..

So a few days ago, I was just on Mickey's video site thingymajigger, whatever those are called. And I was looking for something to watch and I just decided to watch Glee, since everyone was saying it was really fun. Now I'm on episode6 and it's pretty interesting. It's like a TV show of High School Musical but still, it's fun.

In the show, the girl cast sings the song Take A Bow by Rihanna and I must admit, it's almost, or maybe even better than the original. After I heard it, I downloaded it and now I'm just playing it on replay. People are always talking about how cool it is when you find lyrics to a song you can completely relate to. I'm not saying I can relate to the lyrics but something tells me that time might be coming sometime soon. But I'm not a fortuneteller so we'll just have to wait and see. The only thing you can do in doubt is just to have hope and pray that everything will turn out for the best.

My jiral flow is not flowing correctly. It feels like there's like a blood(word) clot in my brain and vocabulary just isn't flowing through it as if I'm in this state of a brain coma, if that even makes sense. My writer's block is so bad that I'm not even making sense.

Or maybe, it's not really writer's block. I just don't have a way with words. I wish I had like a personal translator for me so that whenever I can't say the things I want to say, something will just say it for me. I wish there was a way I can explain in clear words what's going on in my mind or even what I'm feeling at that exact moment. I don't know how I turned out to be like this but it's especially hard when I want to tell someone something and there's just something that's holding me back from saying what I want to say. Meh.

Anyway, today, I'm going to a potluck with my cousins at Sandra une's house. I'm gonna go get ready early so I'm not rushing myself later, teehee.

That's it for today.
xoxo.

Gentlement Don't.

I love Gabe Bondoc. His voice is so soft & soothing, listening to his music just makes me want to curl up in my bed & sleep.

Anyway, I'm only blogging because I really need to rant right now. I'm so speechless but at the same time I have so many things running through my mind that I constantly have to erase what I type because I keep making typos. This is ridiculous. I am in utter shock & completely in loss of words.

Even in my state of speechlessness, I have SO MUCH shit I wish I could say to you right now. How you played me for stupid but I take that fault on me. I'm stupid for letting you take me for granted & thinking that I'm stupid enough to fall for your bullshit. It was my mistake to fall for your sweet talk & it was my fault for thinking you were being honest. I should have realized from the first time that you weren't going to change but I didn't think it would hurt this much to have the smallest hope.

HeroHeroine

It's too late baby, there's no turning around
I got my hands to my pocket & my head in a cloud
This is how I do, when I think about you
I never thought that you could break me apart
I keep a sinister smile & a hold on my heart
You wanna get inside, then you can get in line
But not this time, cause you caught me off guard
Now I'm running & screaming

I feel like a hero, & you are my heroine
Do you know that your love is the sweetest sin
And I feel the weakness coming on
It never felt so good to be so wrong
Have my heart on lock down, then you turn me around
And I'm feeling like a newborn child
Every time I get a chance to see you smile
It's not complicated, I was so jaded
And you caught me off guard
Now I'm running & screaming
--
I used to love BLG to an indescribable extent but I feel like they're music is overplayed. After their songs started getting played on KiisFM, I was just like, bump this. But regardless, this is still one of my favorite songs by them. I randomly stumbled across it while my iTunes was on shuffle & it made me realize that I feel kinda sorta the same. Don't you love it when your life is like the lyrics to a song? Not me. Haha.

I'm moving on, & opening my eyes to new options. If you have recommendations, please feel free to fill me in. Anyway, a fellow friend, whom I just met through another fellow friend has been sending me lots of good songs & I am so far liking every single one. On the other hand, though, I love Owl City. Their music sounds fresh & just..clean. & Also, the remake of Kiss Me, originally by Sixpence None the Richer, is really good. The remake is by New Found Glory & it adds a little 'umph' to the song, to say the least. Oh, what my life would be like without the beauty of music.

Winter break has officially started & I cannot say enough how happy I am. I'm really excited but nostalgic at the same time because first semester is slowly coming to an end. Which means...second semester is just around the corner. & You know what that means; Senior year is about to start forreal. I always looked forward to all the senior events that upperclassmen told me about when I was just a teeny freshman. But now that I'm actually at the verge of getting closer to graduating, I'm reminiscing like crazy on the past 3 years of high school.

Yesterday in leadership, we went around & talked about what our dream college was & seems like a lot of people have big dreams. Many talked about UCLA, some talked about UCSD, there were some Standford, & there was ivy leagues. It made me feel like I'm not giving myself much of a accomplishment I want to reach. I think I lost all hope after junior year. It sounds bad, but going to the "brand name" colleges, as Mai put it, doesn't mean you'll be successful. You'll have a better chance, maybe, but you have other options. & That's how I'm looking at it from now on.

Anyway, when it was the freshmen's turn to talk, I can't even explain how badly I wished I was a freshman again. If I had the chance to, I would re-do high school all over again. I would have the right mindset to get me somewhere in big in my life & I would do everything the right way. But then again, without the mistakes I've made in my high school life, who would I be now? Just some other stereotypical Asian that wants to make it to the typical Asian dream school? No, I'm an individual & I'll do whatever the hell I want to do with my life & just pray that whatever it may be, that God will lead me through the right paths. I may not want to have the same dreams of the ones that will be doctors, lawyers, etc., but "success if my only motherfucking option, failure's not."

I think since senior year has started, I've lost respect for a lot of people. There are so many fakes & unwelcoming people in this world but I'm not one to judge because I'm sure I give that impression to other people as well. But then again, it's different when it comes from someone you thought was your friend, you know? I think there's times when you just feel totally neglected by a person & then all of a sudden they want to give you all this attention. It doesn't make sense to me why people lie & why people are dishonest, especially when I give them the opportunity to tell me the truth. It hurts me more when I give you the chance to be honest & you lie to my face. That's just telling me, "You're stupid. You'll never find out that I'm lying to you." & Then when I DO find out, you say you're sorry. You're not sorry you did it, you're just sorry I found out.

That's it for today.
Toodles, xoxo.

Plain & Simple.

I want to blog but I don't know what to blog about. I have writer's block, this is lame. I have to write a short story for English. Ugh.

The week has been going so slowly. I'm glad it's finally Friday tomorrow. I really need winter break. I am so tired of school and everything that has to do with it. I am tired of staying up late doing homework, studying for tests, having to see a certain someone, dealing with annoying people, & all this other stuff I don't even want to talk about. heeehee.

Today was an interesting day, to say the least. It was somewhat towards the bad side but I can't say it was that bad because it was just...interesting. That is the perfect word to describe today.

First of all, we didn't have the test scheduled for first per., which was totally freaking awesome. Second per. was whatever. I slept and my head started hurting. I did the same in 3rd per. 4th was just chill, we cleaned up a bit and had a pep rally during lunch. 5th per. was chill af, but that class is always like that. 6th per....was the most interesting part of the day, lmao. But anyway, I went to volleyball for a change but that was like a waste of an hour. Press & I went to go eat In-N-Out after school & I found $3 on the floor, hehe.

Ah. I gotta say, I will miss my eye candies during winter break. Boohooooo.

I should do my homework and study for my freaking government test. WOW.
Toodles, xoxo.

Breathe.

And we know it's never simple, never easy.
Never a clean break, no one here to save me.

I didn't go to school today. I don't know why, but I wasn't feeling my 'school mode' today. For some odd reason, I really didn't feel like going to every class and learning something I'm not going to remember in the next 2 hours. Soooo I just chilled and yeah. I had to miss a government and calculus quiz but it's cool. I'm feeling much better now.

Winter break is in a week and I'm not sure what I'm going to be doing over this break. I guess after you're done with all that 'bad stuff', you don't have much in plan. I'm probably gonna try not to procrastinate and get all my homework done within the first week. I kind of want to go visit the 'rents but I don't know if that's a possibility. Hm. Hopefully things will come up.

ANYWAY, Fairfax High School class of 2010 SENIORS are holding a fundraiser at the Culver City Ice Rink located at 4545 Sepulveda Blvd. on Tuesday, December 22nd from 1:30-5:30 PM. Presale tickets are sold for $12 from any senior class representative. Please purchase your tickets and come support our class. :)

Ah, went overtime on work and didn't even get my break. Smh. Plus, I have AP Readiness in the A.M. So gotta rest up for long lessons tomorrow. Sigh. Music is the answer to my problems. My personal therapy. Yeup. The best is at a party crackin' and the others are together in Glendale. I should be at Arnel's birthday bash. Meh. Guess I'll call it a night early. Booo.

That's it for tonight, xoxo.


P.S., Hey girl, if you're not going to have the balls to talk to me face to face, I suggest you don't try to act like you have 'em by communicating with me through myspace, facebook, twitter, text etc. because that just makes you look pathetic. People who have more courage behind their computer/phone screens are just ridiculous. I laugh. Get over yourself, willya? You made the mistake and there's no turning back so why are you sitting by yourself and making yourself a pool of regret? Girl boo. Get the fuck out of here, trick.

Huh?

A week and a half left until winter break. I think I really need this break. I'm so sick of school and everything in it. Just so so sick of it allll. I need some time to myself. Hm.

So, I walked myself into the wrong mess again. I tried to tell myself and make myself believe I was in the right place but in the end of it all, I was the unlucky one who got her butt caught up with the wrong people..AGAIN. But that's okay, because over the past few weeks, I've come to realize who my real friends were; the ones that prove to me that they need me in their lives. And so, I'd like to say that people lie and sugarcoat their bullshit to make you believe their words but never trust anyone until that person can prove to you that they're being honest.

I should have been done with this so long ago but I was caught up in the thrill of the chase that I kept telling myself things can change when clearly, nothing did. So I really have no one to blame but myself right? Right.

Wooop! Yay me! :)
"Smile, and the world will smile with you."
-Mr. Budani.
Totaree!

Honesty was all I asked for but you failed to give me that much.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I remember the blog I posted when it was Thanksgiving last year. Harhar. Maybe I'll read it later on today or something. Already a year? Time goes by way too fast.

I saw this on facebook and thought it was super super super cute, so I shall share it with you.

I want to be the smile, the first thought, the long drive, the short walk, the last voice, the random call, the laugh, the perfect kiss, the comfort hug, your second half, the sparkle in your eye, the everything you need, just what you want.. I want to be yours.

I'm not a sucker for cheesy/romantic things but I thought it was cute. hehe.

Anyyyyway, it being Thanksgiving and all, I thought I'd blog just for the heck of it. I have so much I want to give God thanks for. He's blessed me with countless things that I haven't appreciated.

And also, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I'm going to be in a good mood and whatever you do or say isn't going to make me mad/frustrated. But just so you know, you might do things like that because you're trying to amuse yourself. I'll say this much, you do something to piss me off again, consider yourself erased from my life. I don't care about the things we've said in the past anymore. Follow after your own phrases and move on. HAA. Stop stooping yourself so low.

At this point, I don't care what anyone has to say because nothing can replace this feeling that I'm feeling.

Save. Our. Souls.

I have been lagging on the church-going. Please forgive me, God. I'm so caught up with my own life that I've been keeping God in the corner..with college apps, and all that other senior shananigan. I swear to myself I will get myself back on track. On a brighter note, I have been more active with doing my college applications, so that's good I suppose.

I figured people are their own person(s). So I am no one to judge or point fingers on what decisions a person makes but my own. If it's not my life, why should I bother? Clearly, they know what they're doing so there's no reason why I should be trying to make things right, right? But REALLY REALLY, please get your priorities straight. I know I'm not the one to speak, since I have a lot to work on myself, but whoa buddy. You've got to stop letting your mouth do everything 'cause that only shows people you can't man up to your words. You can talk the talk, but can you walk the walk? You might have the looks, but you sure as hell don't have the personality. Thank you for helping me point out assholes like you in the world who only take people for granted. You don't know what you have until it's gone? No, until you realize you never had, nor will ever have it. I hope you soon come to an understanding that you deserve so much better than that and you'll eventually move on. 'Cause I know you can.

Regrets aren't a part of me. I make mistakes, you make mistakes, get over it. I did things I wish I could take back but there's really nothing I can do about it now, is there? Think before you speak, please, at least for your own benefit. All I can say now is, live life to the fullest and do what makes you happy. There will be times when you feel like something hasn't satisfied you 100% but that's not something that should be holding you back from getting you to where you're going. Push for your goal, aim for the top, and reach for the highest.

"Nothing lasts forever. So live it up, drink it down. Laugh it off, avoid the bullshit, take chances, and never have regrets because at one point, everything you did was exactly what you wanted."

I'm sorry we're not friends anymore and I'm sorry I can't stand it even when it's a simple 'Hello, how are you doing?' But I hope you'd think about the things that have happened between us which cause me to act the way I do towards you. It's not like I don't want us to be friends, but it's the things that occurred in the past. I'm always gonna have that scar you left and nothing you say can heal it. If anyone, you know me almost better than I know myself..and you know I'm not the type to keep grudges but like you told me a long time ago, there's a reason why people are in your life. The people that aren't there now didn't matter enough to make it to your future. I'm sorry things had to end the way they did but I'm not there anymore. I wish I was strong enough to stick by you 'till the end, like we said we would. But I'm tired of being your door mat, someone that you come running to when things don't go the way you plan with that person. You try to explain yourself but it's always the same cycle with you, and now, I'm immune to your lies.

It's almost 12. Church in the AM. Goodnight.

O.

So today, my blood donation card came from the UCLA hospital place. It turns out that I've been fooled all the four years of my high school life because people made me believe that I was a B blood type...But it says on my card that I'm an O positive. I guess I am a daddy's girl, hahaha. I'm going to call my daddy tonight. Weehee! I have 2 tests to study for so tata for now!

Yesterday.

_Leona Lewis.

Hihi, so in the past week I haven't updated, I feel like so much has happened. Well not literally but like emotionally and mentally for me. Anyway, spirit week was fun. I got to ride a firetruck and experience my first, legit football game. We won our homecoming game against Palisades 55-7! That was awesome. The homecoming dance wasn't as great as I expected it to be but it wasn't that bad either. We had a special guest performance by California Swag District and that was cool. Couldn't make it to the after party but that's alright. Things are getting slowly getting better with the gparents and I'm feeling alright.

I'm slowly slipping away from my family, my friends..this thing called my life. And I'm sure it's my fault all this is happening to me. I need to set my priorities straight and stop getting off track. Fucking pissing me off, man.

I'd like to note that some people should really see past the bullshit they're putting up with. Because sometimes, you're blinded by the things you want and you don't realize what you need and forget about what you deserve.

I thought I made myself pretty clear but I guess not.

I don't know if it's something I should go through with. What would you think of me? But then again, why should I care about what other people think of me? At the same time, I could lose my friends. The ultimate question is, will it be worth it? MEH. I think I'm a bad friend and a horrible person, please agree with me. :/ Does it mean something if I'm not able to tell certain people about certain things but there are certain people I can just share these certain things with no problem? I'm the worst person in the world, omfg.

I'm kinda excited for Thanksgiving. Hopefully, the family will get together this year and spend the day together.

I should do my homework. Goodnight!

xoxo.

-------------------------
Fuck this shit. I'm tired of people always saying it's my fault. Okay, it's my fault. I don't need to hear it over and over again, consecutively. Maybe I feel bad as it already is. It's really not that necessary. I don't need you to constantly remind me that I'm the dumb one who fucks everything up. Why are you friends with a person who's always screwing up? Hm? Every asked yourself that question? I bet not. So if you're real, then prove it and I'll love you for it. If not, why are you still in my life?

Hello Winter.

So winter is just around the corner, and you can just feel the breeze kicking in. Mornings are cooler and around 5, the wind starts to blow. I love winter. Anyway, I took my, hopefully last, SAT Reasoning today and I guess it wasn't as bad as I expected. But that's what I said last time. So I guess all I can do is just wait for the results to come out and then I can decide. The essay question was pretty interesting. At first, I had no idea what to write about; my mind went completely BLANK. But then I just sat and thought about the topic for a while and I started writing away. The essay got really personal and yeah all that good stuff. I just hope I score higher than I did the last time I took it, lmao.

Hm.. School is going by so quickly. It's already homecoming in less than a week. I'm excited to dress up for spirit week and for the homecoming game, yippeee!

It's TOM; So I'm sure there's going to be a day where I just feel super emotional and I'm going to have a rush of major jiral flow in me. Until then.

xoxo.

Haven't Met You Yet.

A song by Michael Buble; it's a super cute/catchy song. I recommend!

Happy November! SATs (-_-), spirit week, homecoming, and Thanksgiving is getting closer and closer.

Anyway, I felt like blogging again. Just because my mind is jumbled up and I don't even know what to think anymore. I'm so confused with everything I have no idea what's going on in my life.

Please show me the way. Please give me strength to pull through. Please please please don't make this harder than it already is. Life's not fair but that's just the way it is. Yup. Nothing more, nothing less.

How can something so wrong, feel so right?
I think every person will have a different opinion/perspective on what this question is asking. No specific point to it, what does it mean to you?

Church early in the morning, after like not going for a month. Oh jeesh. Yay for one more hour of sleep! G'night.


xoxo.

Moments Slipped Away.

First of alllll, happy Halloween! I was surprised at the amount of people who dressed up to school, even though Halloween is actually tomorrow. I hope this much people dress up for Spirit Week. It would suck if leadership people are the only ones that dress up....like last year, lmao.

So today, I took a nap after I got home from practice so I missed dinner. We had Korean BBQ. Fail. I slept for about 4hours and now I'm up doing this because I can't sleep. Meh.

I hate how people automatically assume that short people can't do anything. Like for example, my family is constantly reminding me that I'm probably not good at volleyball because of my height. They're always saying things like, "What volleyball? Aren't you too short to play?" Piss me off. Alright, thanks for being so damn supportive. It makes me feel like I can never be good at anything and I tried so hard and came all this way for absofuckingtutely nothing.

I am hanging out with my best girl/guy friend, annoying brat, mother Malexandright tomorrow. Yipppeee! I'm excited. We're getting matching socks, lol how cute are we? Lalalalala, I don't know what to write about but I think I have an idea, so here goes.

Do you ever get the feeling that you let something you should have had go? I don't know if that made sense, so let me make it more clear: So you should have something, but you didn't take it when you had the chance, so now you're in the present living with questions like 'What if?' I think I feel like that a lot. I constantly question myself and ask how things would be different if I took a different path in life or "the road less taken". Would life be better? Would it be worse? I don't know, I feel like I let too many things go and in the end of it all, I'm just left with regret. Just kidding, I don't really regret. I wish I could have done things better, made better decisions, but never regret. Life is too short for that bullshit. But if everything really does happen for a reason, then there's a reason why my life is the way it is and I should be okay with that, right? Right.

Here are some quotes that keep my head up:
"Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So, love the people who treat you right, forgive the ones who don't and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said it'd be easy, they just promised it would be worth it."

"Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect. It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections."

--
My favorite Audrey Hepburn quotes:

"I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles."

"Your heart just breaks, that's all. But you can't judge or point fingers. You just have to be lucky enough to find someone who appreciates you."

"For attractive lips, speak words of kindness. For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people. For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry. For beautiful hair, let a child run their fingers through it once a day. For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone. People, more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed. Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself and the other for helping others."

Well, that is it for the night. Have a safe and fun Halloween!
xoxo.

Move Along.

You can move along, I believe that we are done.
With whatever we was trying to do.
'Cause you up and did me wrong.
Cupid got a big gun but a blindfold.
...
I don't wanna be rude, I don't mean to mean.
But I don't gotta deal with this mess.
Telling me I need you when you know you need me.
But if that's how you feel you can just,
Move along, move along, move along, move along.
No argument, no fight.
Move along, move along, move along, move along.
I'm just trying to be polite.
...
Song playing in my head, irreplaceable,
to the lies I'm deaf.
All I can hear is to the left, to the left.
So I say get out and don't touch that jacket.
Your stuff, I already packed it.
I'm being polite.

I don't wanna be rude, I don't mean to mean.
But I don't gotta deal with this mess.
Telling me I need you when you know you need me.
But if that's how you feel you can just,
Move along, move along, move along, move along.
No argument, no fight.
Move along, move along, move along, move along.
I'm just trying to be polite.

Please don't get me wrong.
Baby understand I'm trying to say get gone,
the nicest way I can.
'Cause I'm not what you want.
See I tried to make this work but our loves in the dirt.
So lets see who calls who first.
I'm moving along.

Hiya.

It's a pretty Sunday afternoon, and I'm stuck at home studying for AP Environmental midterm and AP Calculus test tomorrow. This is the life of Sandy Rhee. Just kidding, because I'm not even studying. I was watching Degrassi and eating practically the whole day. Ha! I'm sucha failure. Anywho, my whole body is sore and it's making me very angry; especially my back. Oh gawd. But on a brighter note, I am doing well in school. Except for Calc but who gives a flying raccoon's poop about that class anyway, right? No, I'm kidding. I have to bring my grade up or I am going to kill myself. Haaahah. I just really hope I don't get lazy towards the end of the semester. Engh.

Why did you IM me last night? Why? Why? WHY. Just wondering. Good thing I was sleeping though.

I need to get back on track with my college apps, I'm so behind. Wow. Someone motivate me to be on top of the things I have to do. Like homework. Ohhhhh dear.

Life is looking okay. Like I said, it's never perfect. But perfection has its flaws and there are rough patches here and there but the positives overpower the negatives so that's good. I'm in better moods these days because I'm sleeping earlier. Isn't that dandy? Haha.

hello sunshine.

TGIF. just kidding, not really.

it is currently 5:53AM and i woke up at 5 to study for my apes and government test today. as i was reviewing, i realized that both were surprisingly easy chapters so i'm hoping that i'll do well on the tests. anyway, since i have about an hour to kill, i thought i'd just blog about some stuff going on in my life and etc etc. someone told me that my posts are always sad. so i think i'm going to try to make this post mutual/neutral, possibly even cheerful lol.

so life has been going swell. there are days when i have my ups and downs but hey, life's not fair. i wouldn't say it's an extreme roller coaster ride though. things aren't to the extent where everything is going excellent then all of a sudden there's a tragic downfall you know? just good days and little fits with the grandparents is about it. other than that, everything is running smoothly and i'm doing okay.

i feel like i've been lagging my college apps A LOT. i've been talking to other people who are like honor roll and stuff like that and i feel like i'm just stooping myself to a lower level every year. like, when i was a freshman, i was so determined to work hard and go to UCLA because they have really good nursing programs. but as the years went on, my dream slowly faded. in junior year, i wanted to go to UCSD. they don't have a nursing program but they have really good science colleges which could help me to pursue my career. and now, as of this moment, i don't even know if i want to apply to UCs anymore. i think this is just a difficult phase i'm going through, i'm sure everyone goes through it. like you just think to yourself, "i really wish i did better in school before..blahblahblah." you feel me? haha. so yeah, i don't think i'd be sad if i didn't get into the top UCs of my choice because that's on my part. i should've known better and i should've tried harder but i didn't so there's no one to blame but myself.

senior year is going by so quickly. every week just flies by and the next thing you know, it's monday again. is this how it's suppose to feel like to be a senior? i don't know. it's not a good feeling, but it's not a bad feeling either. it's bittersweet. when i think about time going fast, i think about college life, meeting new people, going to live in a brand new environment, etc. but then again i think about leaving my old friends, leaving home, not eating home-cooked meals every day and things like that. hm. but regardless, i'm trying to make the best of my senior year and cherish every single moment. even if they're not going to be good memories later on.

oh and, i couldn't drop ap calc. which makes me really really really really sad. now i have to try to pass the class and i'm not excited for that. but everything happens for a reason and whatever happens, happens. blah.

ANYWAY, i think i'm going to review for my tests a little more and straighten my hair. it's a hot mess. :}


good morning world.

for you.

..I just want you.
I wanna be your Valentine, your Christmas wish, your pick-up line.
I wanna be the one who knows about your friends and foes,
and the TV shows you love.
Look above the stars, spell out your name with an exclamation point.
Cuz at the end of the day, you're the one who makes me say..
Help me find myself like how I found you.
I need you so we can live happily too.
I just want you. :)

I hate that I never have my way with words to tell you how I feel at that exact moment, and I'm sorry I'm really bad at this. haha. You probably get really frustrated because you want to know what's going on in my mind but I'm never able to tell you at the spot. But I hope you know that I'm never really upset even though I might seem like it. It makes me feel good to know that you pay attention to me and you notice every time I look sad. I get over things really quickly so I just want you to know that you never have to worry about me. But thanks for showing that you care anyway. :) And, I want you to know that you're the best thing that happened to me since senior year started. You're the first thing I think of when the sun shines bright, the last thing I think of when I sleep at night. I know sometimes I look mad/sad/whatever but I'm always smiling on the inside and I don't show it but I'm happy when I'm with you. Time goes too fast though. I hope this helps you understand at least a little how much you mean to me and how much I appreciate you being there. Thanks for always assuring me that things are going to be okay and encouraging me to look towards the brighter side of life. I'm glad you're my best friend and 10 years from now, at the Thanksgiving dinner, we'll have so much to talk about, lol. I wish I can better explain how I feel every time I'm around you but I think this just about sums it up. So hopefully soon, I'll be able to express the way I feel in words. haha. 'Till then, bare with me.

When it hurts to look back,
and you're scared to look forward,
just look to your side and I'll be there.

Both of us need to do homework so this is it for now. So that's it!


Oh, p.s., if you're a penguin, I'm a penguin.
:)

major writer's block.

I can't think of anything to write about, but someone keeps telling me to write. Because that person is my biggest fan and loves to read my posts, hahaha. So I'm trying to listen to music and hopefully something will inspire me and make me spit some words. Hmmmmmm.

I guess you were right; if you want the rainbow, you have to put up with the rain. I'm glad I had you to be there with me so I didn't have to go through it alone. And although it was raining today, my life is looking towards the brighter side and hopefully soon, there's going to be a very big, shining rainbow.

I decided to drop AP Calc. But that's if my counselor can do it for me. No questions asked, that's that.

I'm sleeping earlier and I'm getting on top of my schoolwork. But I'm sick and this is the longest I've ever been sick, I think. Seasonal flu, I hate you.

'Daily dose'
Deestylistics - One Life, One Love

I have so much running through my mind but I don't know what to write about and how to write what's going on so this is it for now. I'll write more another time. Tooodles noodles. :}

More Than Words.

Is it just me or are the weeks going by really quickly? It's already been over a month since senior year started. My procrastinating is getting worse and worse and that is not good. I want to drop APES and AP Calc. BUT, because of someone, I'm reconsidering.

I wish time would go slower. Graduation is coming too soon. I want to embrace every single moment of senior year and I want to remember it for the rest of my life. I can't stop thinking about what's gonna happen after all of us graduate. I always hear that college is about leaving home, meeting new people, and things like that but I don't want to be too far away. I want to be close enough so I can come home whenever I miss a home-cooked meal and whenever I just miss my grandparents. College is too soon, I don't know if I'm ready for this. And my mommy called again the other. She keeps talking to me about after graduation. Which is even more of a reason why I don't want graduation to come so soon. For once, I wish time would go slower. Smh. Life is too short.

I think I over analyze things too much. I think about the same things over and over again and think about how I can make something better and what not and I think that's bad for my brain.

I wonder what's going to change when we're all off to college. Will everyone keep in touch or will everyone just make new friends and go on with their lives? Hmmm. I'm trying to only focus on the present and hope that everything else will just take care of itself.

Good luck to everyone who has SATs tomorrow! I should be studying for mine next month. Oh wells. I should also be doing my personal statements/college apps. Sigh.

Bad mood, good mood, bad mood, good mood. Life is a roller coaster. Meh.




I wish I can explain in words this feeling I'm feeling right now. Hm.


P.S., this is not a sad entry. Thank you very much. :}

P.S., I'm Still Not Over You.

I miss Summer, please come back soon.

I've been meaning to update, but I never had the time to just sit and blab about my life. So today, I'm sick and drinking tea. I thought it was the perfect time to just think about what happened throughout the week and all that kinds of stuff.

I got this illness, unexpectedly yesterday morning. I thought it was going to go away, because sometimes I just have the sniffles when I wake up. But after the tournament, I was really really sick. And today morning, it was even worse. So I couldn't even get out of bed to go to church, I slept at 9:30PM and woke up at 11AM. Wow. I pray that I'll be better by tomorrow because we have a game against Westchester. My uncle's trying to convince my grandma to make me stay home, hell no. What is the matter with him.

Anyway, this week has been good overall. Lost to Venice, Palisades, and at the tournament but it's all good; a lot of mistakes were made and I really hope that we learn from them. I know the varsity girls are capable of much more and I have faith in them. Let's go lady lions. :)

Speaking of the tournament, yesterday was a really, really long day. I woke up at 5:30 in the morning to get ready to go to the tournament. Jose picked me up (thanks for being our driver, Jose!) and we went to go pick up Brandon. After scooping him up, we were on our way to get Press when a crazy, drunk driver in a pick-up truck went all out. We were the unlucky ones that had to get encountered with him, but he started yelling at us, telling us to get out of the car, and tailgating us for a good 15mins. He tricked us and caught us when we went through small streets. Wow, what a morning. Then we had a long tournament, Naomi went home sick. I hope you feel better, babygirl. So, Julie decided to catch a ride with us and go grab some food. Coach Ken came to watch me play, and said I improved a lot and that he's proud of me. HEHE. On our way back to LA, Julie and I knocked out in the car. The five of us went to In N Out and munched. We just chilled and talked for a while, deciding what we should do next. We came to the idea of going to Hollywood, since we were nearby. While we were there, we met some rude people who didn't do so well in school so they ended up dressing in character costumes asking people for money. No offense. Mr. Incredible said I was cheap when I didn't even ask them for a picture. What a throw. Brandon, Jose, and Press officially hate Sleeping Beauty now. After that, Jose dropped all of us off at home. I washed up and knocked out.

Life has been going smoothly lately. I got closer to a lot of new people and I feel like as of now, I don't really have that much to worry about these days (except college apps and SATs). This is a good feeling, it really is.

Going shopping with Sara, Eunice, and Andrew next week! Then Toy Story 1&2 in 3D with Brandon, Jose, Chris, Jay(?), and maybe Julie at El Capitan in Hollywood. No more pictures with those mean characters! Hmph.

That's it for today, I need to be doing my homework. I promised my BFF that I'd start at 12:30, and it is now 5:37. If you are reading this, I'm sincerely sorry, BFF. Minus one taco for my lagging. Hahaha. Disney movies soooon!!! :) This was a super long post, kbye.


♥Sandiepantie.

Just Let Me Say...

I'm sorry on my behalf, because I know a lot of it had to do with me and my problems. But I don't know what more there is to say on that topic. Next time, we'll learn from our mistakes and know better.

Left to Right.

I find it funny when you think you know something for certain, but then life hits you and you're like, "Woah. I didn't see that coming." And then everything turns out to be just something completely different than the way you expected it to be. You know what I'm sayin? I don't get why I always think I know what's going on but in the end of it all, I'm the clueless one.

I also don't understand why sometimes I feel so neglected by others, maybe it's just the type of person I am. I wish I was more effing outgoing. It makes me think that this holds me back from so much. But that's just who I am and what can I do about it yanno?

I want to get out of this stupid city. It brings back memories I don't want to remember and it makes me think about the times that I don't want to think about.

Everywhere I go, there's something that reminds me of you and it drives me crazy. Not in that reminisce good memory-type shit but the thought that makes me hate you more and more. Hate is a strong word so I'll use 'dislike' but I feel as if dislike doesn't explain half the things I feel towards you. The day you left, I felt like a part of me was gone. You keep telling me that it wasn't you that left, that it's me who won't let you back in. But why would I have to let you in if you never left? Do you get it?

I don't like that I'm living the same old lifestyle. Trying to start a journey with God is harder than I expected it to be. I've always been told that life as a Christian doesn't mean that it's going to be easy. There will be obstacles and times where you'll want to scream and shout. But that is not even a sacrifice if you compare it to what God has done for us. I want to get my life back on track.

Love all, trust a few.

Working on pieces. We'll see how they turn out.

Please forgive me and I'll change for the better,
Cause I know I won't stay the same forever.
And I write this letter to you so when I look back,
I'll get myself back on the right track.
_JoeHyon!

It'd be a lie if I said I didn't miss you. But I'm trying to keep you in the corner of my mind. I don't want to think about you, I don't want to end up the way I was; vulnerable and weak. That's the life I'm not looking forward to getting back. Thanks for the memories, though.

Birthday shout outs Brian Kim, Andrew Suh, Bianca Dizon, and Stumpy Kim!

"Peace, Love, and Lol."

♥


xoxo, Sandiepantie.

Please Tell Me Why.

I feel like I'm stuck in a hole and can't get out. I feel like I'm captivated by my own self and don't know what to do with my life. There's so many stressful things going around in my mind, I can barely think straight. Volleyball keeps me so occupied that I barely have time to do homework in time to sleep early. But studies should always be first, before anything. The due date for college apps are getting closer and closer. I can't seem to sit myself down and just work on them. I feel like I'm in my own little world. I hate this feeling. I hate that I can't open up to anyone about anything and I hate that when troubled times come, I never turn to Him. It's a habit I'm going to break. I hate that senior year keeps me so effing busy and I have no time for anything. I hate it. I wish time would just stop.

Which brings me to the conclusion that I wasn't ready after all. I thought I was, I felt that I was. But I guess my instincts aren't always right. I wasn't ready to start this journey, I was never on the right boat like everyone else. I'm on my own and I don't understand why I'm perfectly fine with that.

Whenever I think of you, I get a rush of adrenaline and disgust at the same time. I don't know how much more I have to keep building this wall between us in order for you to understand that I'm sick of us, I'm sick of you, I'm sick of everything. I don't get why you keep trying when you know in the end of it all, you'll end up being hurt. It's not like I want to hurt you, I think you bring that upon yourself. Get a grip and jet.

I cannot text because my texting has been disabled until the 27th. I went over a couple and can't risk to go over any more. AH. Save me.

Time to get on with that gang load of homework, tata!

Life is A .. _______

* Fill in the blank.

Volleyball season has started! For girls, at least. Our first game wasn't our best, but we have to give ourselves credit. We were short on players due to injuries & uncleared physicals. We played against John Marshall, & lowkey, they weren't as good as they were the past few years. Our team just made a lot of dumb mistakes. Good game though. I love my varsity girls.

School is a throw. Budget cuts are making classes bigger & bigger. It's ridiculous. There's over 40 kids in each class. What the effff. This recession can suck it. Hehehe. Other then that though, life has been pretttty chill. Except I'm always tired after practice so I get lazy & don't wanna do jack except eat & sleep when I get home. Which reminds me, I should really start on my college apps. Sigh, college. Oh & I need to hurry up and sign up for SATs in November. I lagged it & missed the deadline for October's. Fml.

My daily replay: Boys Like Girls ft. Taylor Swift - Two Is Better Than One. Who knew an alternative/rock band can go so well with a country girl like Taylor? Yummm. I love love love this song. Thank you Paul Huh for the suggestion!

I want graduation to come already. But Brandon keeps telling me to stop saying that. I'm so tired of school. Man oh mannnn. I need a break. But then again, I want it to be September forever so I don't have to do college apps. I slackkk, shooot.

I hate it when people walk in your life & then walk right out like there was never a bond/friendship. I realized this when I came upon a status on facebook that said something about it being easier to open up to strangers & talking to them so freely because they don't know about your past or what you've done & they can't judge you because they don't really know you at all. But that's just my opinion.

Trusting God will lead me through this broken road I'm on.
I'm running out of things to say, so goodbye for the night.

Life is ... unexpected.

Butterfly, Fly Away

I don't know if this will make me look stupid and immature, but after watching the hannah montana movie, I woke up from this surreal-type life I'm living. After watching this movie, I learned to appreciate things around me. I've learned to appreciate the roof I have over my head, the food I'm provided day and night, the friends who are always there for me in the end, but most importantly, the two people who deep down, mean the world to me. I think I've taken my family for granted, thinking I'm so unfortunate growing up without my parents. But really, I'm blessed for so many different reasons. I know for a fact there are so many children out in the world, with no place to stay and no food to eat. And that to me, is so devastating, that there are people who are in need in that kind of way. I always took the nagging as, "Omg you're so annoying. Who do you think you are." But as of right now, I'm thinking, "Who am I to say, or even think those kind of things?" Where would I be without my grandparents? No where. They raised me to be who I am today. And no, I am not the most well-rounded person in school, I don't always get everything I want and I can't ask for everything all the time because I know we have limitations. But now I know, everything in the world means nothing, if you don't have your priorities set straight.

I'm on my own spiritual high.
I'm going to pray more, read His words more, and most importantly, pray a lot more.
I've always said things like, "I'm going to build my foundation whatever and have faith in God." But in fact, I never kept up with my words. And for a change, I'd like to experience first hand, what it's like to have His presence in my life.

So here's a song dedicated to my grandparents, for all that they've done to do the best they can in order to mold me into the person I am today. I'm not perfect, no, but I'd like to think that I'm a strong person because of them.

Butterfly Fly Away -Miley Cyrus

You tucked me in, turned out the light
Kept me safe and sound at night
Little girls depend on things like that

Brushed my teeth and combed my hair
Had to drive me everywhere
You were always there when I looked back

You had do it all alone
Make a living, make a home
Must have been as hard as it could be

And when I couldn't sleep at night
Scared things wouldn't turn out right
You would hold my hand and sing to me

Caterpillar in the tree, how you wonder who you'll be
Can't go far but you can always dream

Wish you may and wish you might
Don't you worry, hold on tight
I promise you there will come a day
Butterfly, fly away

Butterfly, fly away
Got your wings now you can't stay
Take those dreams and make them all come true
Butterfly, fly away
You've been waiting for this day
All along and known just what to do
Buttery, butterfly, butterfly
Butterfly, fly away
Butterfly, fly away
Butterfly, fly away...

For once, I feel like I've expressed my feelings entirely. I feel good.

Girls On the Dance Floor.

I've been listening to FM (Far East Movement) for the past couple of days and I can't help but say they're music is fresh. Thanks to my "sensitive" buddy for the suggestions, you know who you are! Anyway, today's my last night in Korea and yet again, I have this bittersweet feeling all up in my body. Although I don't live out there in the city, where people seem to have so much fun, I'm going to miss the country side. I'm going to miss my puppy, the cutest puppy in my eyes. I'm going to miss eating 'OG' Korean food. I'm going to miss it all. But most of all, I'm going to miss my annoying brats, a.k.a. my parents. It's always heartbreaking to see my mom with that sad look on her face as she sends me off to the terminal. I put a smile on just so she knows I'll be seeing her again real soon but once I'm alone, tears just drop automatically. It sounds weird from someone who's been wanting to go back home since the day I've stepped foot on this land but I can't help it. Parents will be parents.

As school is just around the corner, I'm having seconds thoughts about having AP Environmental Science. I think I can do it but I don't know if I want to. I'm most definitely excited for senior year and I can't wait for all the stuff it has in store but can I have all the fun I want with that class AND AP Calc? I have some serious thinking to do. But while on the topic, I need to get on the summer assignment, pronto.

I'm excited for volleyball season. I'm excited for ASB. I'm excited for meeting new people. I'm excited for events. I'm excited for SENIOR YEAR.

Fairfax LUAU is Friday, September 11th! 7$ pre-sale and 10$ at the door. Come out and have fun!

Anyway, my mom promised me a DSLR for Christmas, which isn't that far away. So all I can do is trust her word and wait a few months. MEH. That's it for tonight. My next blog will be when I'm back in the states! Good luck to all those who start school on tomorrow/Monday.

Let the Good Times Roll.

I have arrived to Korea safely. It's ridiculously hot and humid in this country, which I do not like at all. But other than that, my first day has been interesting and I got to meet one of my new baby cousins. He is just so adorable! I'm glad that I'm a heavy sleeper, otherwise, I would have major jetlag and that would suck big time.

I love how in the end of it all, everything turned out to how I predicted it to turn out. But what I love the most is that I don't give a shit, yeeboyeee.

I wonder how one can waste so much time on another and encounter so much drama and controversy but that one can still accept the other like there was never anything wrong. I'm way too high cla$$ for that shit. hehe.

Tomorrow, I'm going to trim my ridiculously full head of hair. Then I'm going to go to the optometrist and possibly get a new pair of fresh glasses. And finally, I'm hoping my momma will let me get a mani and pedi. So far, my trip is going well. I'm going to make the best of the next 2 weeks.

'Night!

We Run LA.

I'm so sad I missed retreat. I hope everyone that went had a good time and most importantly, got blessed. :) I wish I was there to experience it with you guys.

I cannot wait 'till I leave. I know I said I'm going to miss LA, but honestly, now that I think about it, I don't think I'm going to miss much. What is there to miss right? Besides my bitch Frank, ha. Kickback after I get back honey! ♥ I was thinking as I was walking home after work and realized that I'm going to enjoy my time at Korea while it lasts. 'Cause think about it, after 2 weeks, I'll be back in this shithole called hometown and I'll be going through the same shit over and over again. I'm seriously so fed up with people pulling the same shit on me all the fucking time. I cannot wait 'till tomorrow. I miss my momma & my daddy and my baby mengoo. ♥


Goodbye. :)

I Don't Care.

Hey playboy, it's about time and your time is up. I had to do this one for my girls you know? Sometimes you gotta act like you don't care, that's the only way you boys learn.
To the NUMEROUS amount of boys I have met, encountered, befriended, and have had experienced personally throughout my life and the never ending amount of boys out in the world that have yet to be found.

Anyway, I've been thinking lately. It's probably because it's the TOM right now, which makes me more emotional and thoughtful than usual. Like I've mentioned before, I think a couple of weeks away is gonna help me a lot; this year especially. With senior year coming around, I have so many things to worry about. Applications, getting good grades, transcripts, graduation, and most importantly, college itself. Man, I am so worried for college. I don't know why but I can't imagine myself there in the environment. Also the fact that I haven't done my best during my high school years. I hope overall, though, I'll be alright. I pray that I'll get into my top choices, but if not, I'll be satisfied with my options. Or at least I'll try to be thankful with the choices God gives me. Speaking of, I'm so sad I couldn't go to summer retreat. The only time I'm actually around to go, I can't. Aiya.

So my trip is in a few days and I've found myself to be set with a packed schedule. It sucksss, no time to see friends before I leave but oh wells. Tomorrow I'm going to have lunch and catch up with Est & Deli. ♥ My two favorite people from club. Finally we're hanging out for the first time in summer! On Wednesday, I have school & practice, then work at 4-7. On Thursday, same schedule as Wednesday. Erica & Jean might accompany me to school and run 12 laps with me. Ha, finals suckssss. Then Erica and I are possibly having a sleep over before I leave & having a party of our own, YUM. Friday is my last day of work, and my flight is at MIDNIGHT. I'm excited for my trip. I'm honestly going to miss L.A. Everything about it; from it's dirty air, to the downright dirty streets. But, I need time away from this sinner's city of angels. Ironic much? I think not. harhar.

I think through my experiences, I realize so many things. It's like I have an epiphany every single day, yet I don't notice it 'till later on. So I guess technically, I don't have epiphanies 'till then..But you get what I'm trying to say right? If not, whatever. Ha. I want to be the kind of girl who can express her feelings clearly through her words. I wish I was musically or artistically talented so that when I'm having moments like this, I can just spill my emotions into drawings or lyrics. But sadly, I can't because I am not that talented in anything I do. For me, I don't think it's the talent that drives me to do the things I do. It's the passion that I have deep, down in my heart. The passion no one sees but me. Compliments help me strive for the top, discouragement & criticism only makes me stronger. Strong-willed, shall I say? nah. I think I like to be labeled as the person who can't do anything well because that just makes me want to be bigger & better than ever.
I strive for success.

I've been hearing stories, but here's my wake up call to you: I don't care. You've brought me enough heartbreak and pain that now my heart is numb and immune to the bullshit you put me through. It's like whenever someone new comes around, I already have my walls built up. Because of you, I'm more closed up than ever. I don't know why I thought of you out of no where. Maybe because from all the people I've met, you've made the biggest positive & negative impact in my life. They say the good times override the bad, but too bad for us, all we have are bad times. I admit, there were a few good times. But who knows, with you, all of your smiles and laughs could've been lies too. I'm not surprised that you are where you are right now since it's exactly what everyone predicts. I see you're still living that same old bullshit cycle of yours. Now that you're out of my life, I hope that cycle of yours runs in peace for once. I've done my wrong doings on my part, but fyl for all the useless tears you brought to my eyes. You're not worth it, and you never were. But thank you so very much, for making me into the strong person that I am today.

It's 1 AM. OH NO!

Happy 17th birthday Jonathan Gogi Ahn & Alyssa Magpantay! & Belated to Kevin Dante Jin Choi! Love you guys.

Let the summer nights(good times) roll.

A Person Who...

1. Understands me; not the the fullest extent, but to the point where they will know just the right way to make me feel better.
2. Knows how to burst giggles and make me laugh.
3. Accepts the fact that I don't come from a perfect family, nor grew up in a perfect lifestyle, but still try my utmost to make the best out of this thing called life.
   
4. Shares secrets equally as I do mine.
5. After a misunderstanding, will laugh about it with me at the end of the day.
6. I can share my life story with, knowing they won't judge me or turn their back.
7. Criticize me when necessary.
8. Won't give me false hope.
   
9. Bares with me at my worst and loves me at my best.
10. I can proudly call my best friend.

I've come a long way, I think; depending on the wrong people and ignoring the right. They say you shouldn't search, because if you wait, it'll come to you. But what if you're waiting but it never shows up? Are you supposed to just sit around and waste your life waiting? Maybe it's just me, because I'm impatient. I need a break. Goodnight.

"Smile

"because it's the best remedy,
after listening to sick beats with musical melodies.
Tell 'em, better yet show 'em that you're strong
No more backing out because the old you is long gone.

Momma's always judgin', maybe she doesn't know
That it's a hard to be a teen, and life? It's too slow.
Tryin' to make the best of it, it ain't an easy thing
But I made me a devotion, my faith's the promise ring.

My daddy always tells me, "Baby, now don't give up."
No use for explanations, maybe it's just tough luck.
I'm gonna get myself somewhere, I stick by these words.
Just for the time being, my vision is a big, cloudy blur."
- Anonymous.

........Writer's block? Cos that's the furthest they've got so far.
-------------

One more week of dreadful summer school left. I can't believe I survived it. YIPPPEE! Off to Korea about a week. I'm prepared to make the best of my trip this year.

There's so many inspirations left and right, but I feel like I'm stuck in this box and can't get out. I'm trapped within these walls, restraining me from spitting all the words jumbled up in my head. On a brighter note, though, I finished my first prompt for the UC application essays. Here's a snippet: "Throughout my life, my grandparents have played many different roles. They were the parents who showed me right from wrong, the grandparents who would cheer me up after a lecture from ‘mom and dad’, the friends I learned to love so much more, and most importantly, the inspiration that give me that extra push to strive for success." What I would be without my grandparents, seriously. Well, that's it for tonight. I'm secretly fucking boiling inside, but I will control my frustration. :) Toodles!

Little Things Matter Too.

Today I went to the doctor and got my physical. My doctor must be really lazy because she just checked everything like there was nothing to look at. What if I had a secret limb injury that she didn't care to look at? Just kidding, not really. I am a healthy little muffin I tell you, I am. I did that iron-checking thing and it hurt for a split second. A flashback from the blooddrive popped into mind. I can't wait for next year's blood drive. Woopee!

Anyway, I'm listening to Philip Byun's songs. The kind of music I like to listen to. They have the right kind of melody and soothing-ness. If that makes any sense whatsoever. Whatever, nobody will understand me.

So recently I've been noticing all these small details about me. Some noticed by others, and some that no one knew about, even myself. So this blog will be just a little help to get to know me a little better. :)

- I'm always chewing/biting on something. (i.e., 1. I'm usually nibbling on my lips, hence the ripped and constantly chapped lips. | 2. Gum. I picked up the gum habit from Soo. The girl's chewing it 24/7, literally. | 3. If I'm out eating or something, I'll chew on my spoon, straw, fork, chopsticks, etc. | 4. At school, I'll nibble on the top of my pens or pencils. It's a super bad habit. It's gross, I know. Don't let me borrow your pens/pencils! | 5. I bite my nails from time to time, but it's very rare. )
- I can fall asleep within a minute, no joke. I can't believe it sometimes. If you're a usual person I text at night, you might know.
- I ALWAYS sleep on my left side. Resulting in swollen cartilage, ugh.
- I change the subject A LOT. Okay, maybe that's not a little detail because it's pretty noticeable. But sometimes people don't notice that I go from topic to topic, it's weird.
- I look like I eat a lot, but honestly I don't. I eat a lot of small amounts. So basically, I have like 10 small meals instead of 3 big ones a day.
- I have a milldddd studdering problem, so annoying.

I'm getting food coma. So I'm going to do this later. TATA!

I'll Be Your Toad.

I just read through my posts over the past year and whoa, have I grown a lot(mostly emotionally). I love reading through these old posts because they're like watching a video of your old self. It's a good feeling to see how you've changed in so many different ways. Sometimes you've changed for the better, and sometimes for the worse but in the end of it all, I think everyone changes for the better. I just hope these changes don't overwhelm the best of me.

I've been so busy lately, it's ridiculous. Dealing with school and work and volleyball practice is no joke. But like I've mentioned before, I like this feeling. The feeling that I don't have time for anything but focus. It's just like, "I gotta get this done, I have no time!" But lately, time's been working out really swell for me. Which I find quite surprising because I am not that great with dealing with time. I think God's giving me a little break from all this tension and hard work. Ha, syke. Not really.

A lot of things have happened in the past week. Lots of things I wish I didn't do, lots of things I'm glad happened. Just over all, a lot of things. I think I'm always getting tangled up in the wrong mess. I'm just an open invitation with a bigass sign that says, "BRING ME THE DRAMA." Seriously, no matter how I try to run and hide from controversy, it just follows me around like my tail. I'm so sick and tired of it. I just want a year of no drama and NO BULLSHIT. Is that too much to ask for? Sigh. These are the days I really do consider living with my parents. My dad makes me feel like I have nothing to worry about if I come over there. But I know for a fact, it'll cause a lot of new problems. I think the last 2 weeks in Korea thing actually sometimes helps me. It helps me get a way for a while, but not too long that I miss out on summer fun. But just enough to clear my thoughts and come back with a fresh, new character. It does me well, sometimes.

My senior pictures will be coming in the mail in a few days. I'm anxious for them. I'm afraid that they might not look the certain way I want it to look or I look like this in a certain pose, or all that other crap.

Anyway, enough of this nonsense. I'm going to go to sleep soon. BYE!

SO COME ON AND FLY WITH ME.

I tried out my new shoes for the first time on Wednesday July 22, 2009. I'm so relieved that I bought a 1/2 size bigger because they were a perfect fit. I love them.



I really wish I could've bought the wave lightning 5's though.

My summer's been filled with intense work outs, running a lot, work, and volleyball. And at the same time, I'm trying to find some extra time for myself and friends. I love keeping myself busy. It keeps me from lazying around. But this summer will probably be just like last year, after summer school is over, I'll be on a plane to Korea for the rest of the summer. It sucks that this trip is always killing my summer plans. But the more I think about it, I really miss my dad. Yes, my dad, not my mom. Ha, that sounds bad but yeah. Call me a daddy's girl but I love my dad. Don't get me wrong though, my mom is my role model. She's the definition of INDEPENDENT, trust. She's the one who taught me to be strong.

I'm hoping that my dad will get me a dslr this year, for my early Christmas/18th birthday present. ;) My digital camera is breaking down on me. The quality is getting really bad, and it's starting to piss me off. I'm going to offer to pay half so I better get saving! I'm excited. YIPEE! Canon or Nikon? Either way, I'm coming for you baby!

or
The canons seem to run on a much larger megapixel scale...hm.

I'm making so many new friends this summer, it's fun! A few days ago, Charlie was giving me a ride home and asked me how my summer was going. I replied with a simple, "It's alright." And we chatted. He made me realize that this summer is the last official summer of being a high school student for me. I should be living it up every single day but I'm just occupying myself with school and work. It's ridic! But even if I wanted to have fun, my infamous, overprotective grandparents will have a say it in. Hmph.

Enough rambling. I've been watching 'Shining Inheritance' these days. It's a kinda predictable drama but it has its twists and turns. Oh, and I watched 'Orphan' today. It was the most lame horror film I have ever watched in my 17 years of living. Right after 'Grudge'. Wtf. I feel bad for my friend who I forced to watch it with me. :[ Wells, hope everyone had a blessed week! :)


♥Pantie.

BITTERSWEET.

I think I'm loving summer. It's tough; handling school, volleyball practices, AND work all together. But I'm liking it, it's a bittersweet feeling. I like feeling tired at the end of the night and just falling asleep as soon as I lay on my bed. It's actually a really wonderful feeling. And then sleeping in on the weekends are just the best.

Anyway, I finally got new volleyball shoes! My old ones were ripppping. I wish I had enough money for the latest edition of Mizunos but.....I'm broke. So the lightning4's will have to do for now. Arnel and I are going to get the 5's sooon!


Alright, that just made me tick.
You're a goner.

SUMMER HEAT.

I feel it kicking it. I hope I survive PE without becoming super dark. Massive sunblock use? I think so. Anywho, the second week of summer is about to end and this week was just super chill. I think so far, this summer will be the most chill. I feel like just doing a recap of my week. So here goes!

On Monday, I Sara came over like always and we went to Yogurtland. What's better than Yogurtland on a hot, summer day? NOTHING. :) Just kidding, maybe there are other options. But I didn't have yogurt in so long, it tasted yummy. Taro yogurt. ♥


On Tuesday, I went over to Erica's house and her momma made us super delicious spicy rice cakes and odeng. :) It wasn't too spicy and not too not-spicy. It was perfection. As we were waiting for Max to get ready, we watched a bit of 'How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days'. I seriously recommend this movie to everyone. Such a cute story. Then, Erica, Max and I went to Westside Pavillion and watched 'The Proposal'. Another movie I recommend, super cute! Ryan Reynolds is cute. ♥


On Wednesday, it was John Noh's surprise party. The loser had no idea whatsoever and we all played a game called 'King's Cup'. It was fun! Everyone was picking on JoeChin. (;

On Thursday, it was John, Amy, and EricJin's birthdays! Happy birthday to you guys! Hope you all had a wonderful birthday. ♥ Anyway, I went to DMV and signed up for my permit test. Oh dear God, I was so nervous. I made the most stupid mistakes. ]: FML.

Today, is Friday. Finally. There was an emergency KIWIN'S meeting at Lollicup. Their owner changed, wtheck. Weird. Anyway, if anybody knows anyone who is 21 or older that wants to help our club out, please let me know! I don't want our club to be shut down.

Tomorrow is 4th of July. I hope all of you have fun-filled weekends in store! I'm going to spend some quality time with my family and go to Raging Waters, the #1 water park in America...or was it California? Whatev. I'm excited! The last time I went there, I was too small to ride anything. -_-


I saw this at the pizza store on 3rd and Western. They're the biggest Lakers fans ever.
Hey Kobe, ready for another great year? Tehe. :) Aside from summer plans, Phil Jackson will coach for Lakers for the following 09-10' year! I think everyone saw that coming though. And regardless of all the mad shit that people have been talking about Ariza, I want him back. But, welcome to the Lakers Ron Artest. ♥