hello sunshine.

TGIF. just kidding, not really.

it is currently 5:53AM and i woke up at 5 to study for my apes and government test today. as i was reviewing, i realized that both were surprisingly easy chapters so i'm hoping that i'll do well on the tests. anyway, since i have about an hour to kill, i thought i'd just blog about some stuff going on in my life and etc etc. someone told me that my posts are always sad. so i think i'm going to try to make this post mutual/neutral, possibly even cheerful lol.

so life has been going swell. there are days when i have my ups and downs but hey, life's not fair. i wouldn't say it's an extreme roller coaster ride though. things aren't to the extent where everything is going excellent then all of a sudden there's a tragic downfall you know? just good days and little fits with the grandparents is about it. other than that, everything is running smoothly and i'm doing okay.

i feel like i've been lagging my college apps A LOT. i've been talking to other people who are like honor roll and stuff like that and i feel like i'm just stooping myself to a lower level every year. like, when i was a freshman, i was so determined to work hard and go to UCLA because they have really good nursing programs. but as the years went on, my dream slowly faded. in junior year, i wanted to go to UCSD. they don't have a nursing program but they have really good science colleges which could help me to pursue my career. and now, as of this moment, i don't even know if i want to apply to UCs anymore. i think this is just a difficult phase i'm going through, i'm sure everyone goes through it. like you just think to yourself, "i really wish i did better in school before..blahblahblah." you feel me? haha. so yeah, i don't think i'd be sad if i didn't get into the top UCs of my choice because that's on my part. i should've known better and i should've tried harder but i didn't so there's no one to blame but myself.

senior year is going by so quickly. every week just flies by and the next thing you know, it's monday again. is this how it's suppose to feel like to be a senior? i don't know. it's not a good feeling, but it's not a bad feeling either. it's bittersweet. when i think about time going fast, i think about college life, meeting new people, going to live in a brand new environment, etc. but then again i think about leaving my old friends, leaving home, not eating home-cooked meals every day and things like that. hm. but regardless, i'm trying to make the best of my senior year and cherish every single moment. even if they're not going to be good memories later on.

oh and, i couldn't drop ap calc. which makes me really really really really sad. now i have to try to pass the class and i'm not excited for that. but everything happens for a reason and whatever happens, happens. blah.

ANYWAY, i think i'm going to review for my tests a little more and straighten my hair. it's a hot mess. :}


good morning world.