I Don't Care.

Hey playboy, it's about time and your time is up. I had to do this one for my girls you know? Sometimes you gotta act like you don't care, that's the only way you boys learn.
To the NUMEROUS amount of boys I have met, encountered, befriended, and have had experienced personally throughout my life and the never ending amount of boys out in the world that have yet to be found.

Anyway, I've been thinking lately. It's probably because it's the TOM right now, which makes me more emotional and thoughtful than usual. Like I've mentioned before, I think a couple of weeks away is gonna help me a lot; this year especially. With senior year coming around, I have so many things to worry about. Applications, getting good grades, transcripts, graduation, and most importantly, college itself. Man, I am so worried for college. I don't know why but I can't imagine myself there in the environment. Also the fact that I haven't done my best during my high school years. I hope overall, though, I'll be alright. I pray that I'll get into my top choices, but if not, I'll be satisfied with my options. Or at least I'll try to be thankful with the choices God gives me. Speaking of, I'm so sad I couldn't go to summer retreat. The only time I'm actually around to go, I can't. Aiya.

So my trip is in a few days and I've found myself to be set with a packed schedule. It sucksss, no time to see friends before I leave but oh wells. Tomorrow I'm going to have lunch and catch up with Est & Deli. ♥ My two favorite people from club. Finally we're hanging out for the first time in summer! On Wednesday, I have school & practice, then work at 4-7. On Thursday, same schedule as Wednesday. Erica & Jean might accompany me to school and run 12 laps with me. Ha, finals suckssss. Then Erica and I are possibly having a sleep over before I leave & having a party of our own, YUM. Friday is my last day of work, and my flight is at MIDNIGHT. I'm excited for my trip. I'm honestly going to miss L.A. Everything about it; from it's dirty air, to the downright dirty streets. But, I need time away from this sinner's city of angels. Ironic much? I think not. harhar.

I think through my experiences, I realize so many things. It's like I have an epiphany every single day, yet I don't notice it 'till later on. So I guess technically, I don't have epiphanies 'till then..But you get what I'm trying to say right? If not, whatever. Ha. I want to be the kind of girl who can express her feelings clearly through her words. I wish I was musically or artistically talented so that when I'm having moments like this, I can just spill my emotions into drawings or lyrics. But sadly, I can't because I am not that talented in anything I do. For me, I don't think it's the talent that drives me to do the things I do. It's the passion that I have deep, down in my heart. The passion no one sees but me. Compliments help me strive for the top, discouragement & criticism only makes me stronger. Strong-willed, shall I say? nah. I think I like to be labeled as the person who can't do anything well because that just makes me want to be bigger & better than ever.
I strive for success.

I've been hearing stories, but here's my wake up call to you: I don't care. You've brought me enough heartbreak and pain that now my heart is numb and immune to the bullshit you put me through. It's like whenever someone new comes around, I already have my walls built up. Because of you, I'm more closed up than ever. I don't know why I thought of you out of no where. Maybe because from all the people I've met, you've made the biggest positive & negative impact in my life. They say the good times override the bad, but too bad for us, all we have are bad times. I admit, there were a few good times. But who knows, with you, all of your smiles and laughs could've been lies too. I'm not surprised that you are where you are right now since it's exactly what everyone predicts. I see you're still living that same old bullshit cycle of yours. Now that you're out of my life, I hope that cycle of yours runs in peace for once. I've done my wrong doings on my part, but fyl for all the useless tears you brought to my eyes. You're not worth it, and you never were. But thank you so very much, for making me into the strong person that I am today.

It's 1 AM. OH NO!

Happy 17th birthday Jonathan Gogi Ahn & Alyssa Magpantay! & Belated to Kevin Dante Jin Choi! Love you guys.

Let the summer nights(good times) roll.