Please Tell Me Why.

I feel like I'm stuck in a hole and can't get out. I feel like I'm captivated by my own self and don't know what to do with my life. There's so many stressful things going around in my mind, I can barely think straight. Volleyball keeps me so occupied that I barely have time to do homework in time to sleep early. But studies should always be first, before anything. The due date for college apps are getting closer and closer. I can't seem to sit myself down and just work on them. I feel like I'm in my own little world. I hate this feeling. I hate that I can't open up to anyone about anything and I hate that when troubled times come, I never turn to Him. It's a habit I'm going to break. I hate that senior year keeps me so effing busy and I have no time for anything. I hate it. I wish time would just stop.

Which brings me to the conclusion that I wasn't ready after all. I thought I was, I felt that I was. But I guess my instincts aren't always right. I wasn't ready to start this journey, I was never on the right boat like everyone else. I'm on my own and I don't understand why I'm perfectly fine with that.

Whenever I think of you, I get a rush of adrenaline and disgust at the same time. I don't know how much more I have to keep building this wall between us in order for you to understand that I'm sick of us, I'm sick of you, I'm sick of everything. I don't get why you keep trying when you know in the end of it all, you'll end up being hurt. It's not like I want to hurt you, I think you bring that upon yourself. Get a grip and jet.

I cannot text because my texting has been disabled until the 27th. I went over a couple and can't risk to go over any more. AH. Save me.

Time to get on with that gang load of homework, tata!