true colors

I finished the season one of Glee, the ending was so cute and now I've got at least 10 new Glee songs in my iTunes!

As the year is coming to and end, I can't help but look back on 2009 and reminisce on the many things, both good and bad, that have happened over these 365 days. Last night before I went to sleep I thought to myself, "Gee..this is the last night I'll fall asleep and wake up to another day of 2009. When I go to sleep tomorrow and wake up in the morning, it'll be a brand new year." I was so so so so so very nostalgic. I'm really looking forward to 2010, for that matter. It's not like any other new year where you make new year resolutions that you're never going to keep. I realized that I'm a step closer to being 18, to graduating, to starting college, and so much more. I'm really hoping that this year will open my eyes to a lot more than I saw this past year and a lot of doors will be opened for me. I wish I could say that I have a list of things that I want to change and things I want to accomplish over the upcoming new year, but I decided, no more useless resolutions. I'm going to take everything one step at a time and I'll take it all of it as it comes towards me one by one.

"The only people you need in life are the people that prove to you that they need you in theirs." & "I've been let down by the people that I love, but I will not let down the people who love me."

My last post of 2009! ---
Thank you to all the people I met over the year, the people I got to know a lot better, the people I've lost respect for, the people who have showed me how much I mean to them, and most importantly, my grandparents for being patient with me and bearing with my imperfection.

That's it for today.
xoxo.

and these are my confessions..

So a few days ago, I was just on Mickey's video site thingymajigger, whatever those are called. And I was looking for something to watch and I just decided to watch Glee, since everyone was saying it was really fun. Now I'm on episode6 and it's pretty interesting. It's like a TV show of High School Musical but still, it's fun.

In the show, the girl cast sings the song Take A Bow by Rihanna and I must admit, it's almost, or maybe even better than the original. After I heard it, I downloaded it and now I'm just playing it on replay. People are always talking about how cool it is when you find lyrics to a song you can completely relate to. I'm not saying I can relate to the lyrics but something tells me that time might be coming sometime soon. But I'm not a fortuneteller so we'll just have to wait and see. The only thing you can do in doubt is just to have hope and pray that everything will turn out for the best.

My jiral flow is not flowing correctly. It feels like there's like a blood(word) clot in my brain and vocabulary just isn't flowing through it as if I'm in this state of a brain coma, if that even makes sense. My writer's block is so bad that I'm not even making sense.

Or maybe, it's not really writer's block. I just don't have a way with words. I wish I had like a personal translator for me so that whenever I can't say the things I want to say, something will just say it for me. I wish there was a way I can explain in clear words what's going on in my mind or even what I'm feeling at that exact moment. I don't know how I turned out to be like this but it's especially hard when I want to tell someone something and there's just something that's holding me back from saying what I want to say. Meh.

Anyway, today, I'm going to a potluck with my cousins at Sandra une's house. I'm gonna go get ready early so I'm not rushing myself later, teehee.

That's it for today.
xoxo.

Gentlement Don't.

I love Gabe Bondoc. His voice is so soft & soothing, listening to his music just makes me want to curl up in my bed & sleep.

Anyway, I'm only blogging because I really need to rant right now. I'm so speechless but at the same time I have so many things running through my mind that I constantly have to erase what I type because I keep making typos. This is ridiculous. I am in utter shock & completely in loss of words.

Even in my state of speechlessness, I have SO MUCH shit I wish I could say to you right now. How you played me for stupid but I take that fault on me. I'm stupid for letting you take me for granted & thinking that I'm stupid enough to fall for your bullshit. It was my mistake to fall for your sweet talk & it was my fault for thinking you were being honest. I should have realized from the first time that you weren't going to change but I didn't think it would hurt this much to have the smallest hope.

HeroHeroine

It's too late baby, there's no turning around
I got my hands to my pocket & my head in a cloud
This is how I do, when I think about you
I never thought that you could break me apart
I keep a sinister smile & a hold on my heart
You wanna get inside, then you can get in line
But not this time, cause you caught me off guard
Now I'm running & screaming

I feel like a hero, & you are my heroine
Do you know that your love is the sweetest sin
And I feel the weakness coming on
It never felt so good to be so wrong
Have my heart on lock down, then you turn me around
And I'm feeling like a newborn child
Every time I get a chance to see you smile
It's not complicated, I was so jaded
And you caught me off guard
Now I'm running & screaming
--
I used to love BLG to an indescribable extent but I feel like they're music is overplayed. After their songs started getting played on KiisFM, I was just like, bump this. But regardless, this is still one of my favorite songs by them. I randomly stumbled across it while my iTunes was on shuffle & it made me realize that I feel kinda sorta the same. Don't you love it when your life is like the lyrics to a song? Not me. Haha.

I'm moving on, & opening my eyes to new options. If you have recommendations, please feel free to fill me in. Anyway, a fellow friend, whom I just met through another fellow friend has been sending me lots of good songs & I am so far liking every single one. On the other hand, though, I love Owl City. Their music sounds fresh & just..clean. & Also, the remake of Kiss Me, originally by Sixpence None the Richer, is really good. The remake is by New Found Glory & it adds a little 'umph' to the song, to say the least. Oh, what my life would be like without the beauty of music.

Winter break has officially started & I cannot say enough how happy I am. I'm really excited but nostalgic at the same time because first semester is slowly coming to an end. Which means...second semester is just around the corner. & You know what that means; Senior year is about to start forreal. I always looked forward to all the senior events that upperclassmen told me about when I was just a teeny freshman. But now that I'm actually at the verge of getting closer to graduating, I'm reminiscing like crazy on the past 3 years of high school.

Yesterday in leadership, we went around & talked about what our dream college was & seems like a lot of people have big dreams. Many talked about UCLA, some talked about UCSD, there were some Standford, & there was ivy leagues. It made me feel like I'm not giving myself much of a accomplishment I want to reach. I think I lost all hope after junior year. It sounds bad, but going to the "brand name" colleges, as Mai put it, doesn't mean you'll be successful. You'll have a better chance, maybe, but you have other options. & That's how I'm looking at it from now on.

Anyway, when it was the freshmen's turn to talk, I can't even explain how badly I wished I was a freshman again. If I had the chance to, I would re-do high school all over again. I would have the right mindset to get me somewhere in big in my life & I would do everything the right way. But then again, without the mistakes I've made in my high school life, who would I be now? Just some other stereotypical Asian that wants to make it to the typical Asian dream school? No, I'm an individual & I'll do whatever the hell I want to do with my life & just pray that whatever it may be, that God will lead me through the right paths. I may not want to have the same dreams of the ones that will be doctors, lawyers, etc., but "success if my only motherfucking option, failure's not."

I think since senior year has started, I've lost respect for a lot of people. There are so many fakes & unwelcoming people in this world but I'm not one to judge because I'm sure I give that impression to other people as well. But then again, it's different when it comes from someone you thought was your friend, you know? I think there's times when you just feel totally neglected by a person & then all of a sudden they want to give you all this attention. It doesn't make sense to me why people lie & why people are dishonest, especially when I give them the opportunity to tell me the truth. It hurts me more when I give you the chance to be honest & you lie to my face. That's just telling me, "You're stupid. You'll never find out that I'm lying to you." & Then when I DO find out, you say you're sorry. You're not sorry you did it, you're just sorry I found out.

That's it for today.
Toodles, xoxo.

Plain & Simple.

I want to blog but I don't know what to blog about. I have writer's block, this is lame. I have to write a short story for English. Ugh.

The week has been going so slowly. I'm glad it's finally Friday tomorrow. I really need winter break. I am so tired of school and everything that has to do with it. I am tired of staying up late doing homework, studying for tests, having to see a certain someone, dealing with annoying people, & all this other stuff I don't even want to talk about. heeehee.

Today was an interesting day, to say the least. It was somewhat towards the bad side but I can't say it was that bad because it was just...interesting. That is the perfect word to describe today.

First of all, we didn't have the test scheduled for first per., which was totally freaking awesome. Second per. was whatever. I slept and my head started hurting. I did the same in 3rd per. 4th was just chill, we cleaned up a bit and had a pep rally during lunch. 5th per. was chill af, but that class is always like that. 6th per....was the most interesting part of the day, lmao. But anyway, I went to volleyball for a change but that was like a waste of an hour. Press & I went to go eat In-N-Out after school & I found $3 on the floor, hehe.

Ah. I gotta say, I will miss my eye candies during winter break. Boohooooo.

I should do my homework and study for my freaking government test. WOW.
Toodles, xoxo.

Breathe.

And we know it's never simple, never easy.
Never a clean break, no one here to save me.

I didn't go to school today. I don't know why, but I wasn't feeling my 'school mode' today. For some odd reason, I really didn't feel like going to every class and learning something I'm not going to remember in the next 2 hours. Soooo I just chilled and yeah. I had to miss a government and calculus quiz but it's cool. I'm feeling much better now.

Winter break is in a week and I'm not sure what I'm going to be doing over this break. I guess after you're done with all that 'bad stuff', you don't have much in plan. I'm probably gonna try not to procrastinate and get all my homework done within the first week. I kind of want to go visit the 'rents but I don't know if that's a possibility. Hm. Hopefully things will come up.

ANYWAY, Fairfax High School class of 2010 SENIORS are holding a fundraiser at the Culver City Ice Rink located at 4545 Sepulveda Blvd. on Tuesday, December 22nd from 1:30-5:30 PM. Presale tickets are sold for $12 from any senior class representative. Please purchase your tickets and come support our class. :)

Ah, went overtime on work and didn't even get my break. Smh. Plus, I have AP Readiness in the A.M. So gotta rest up for long lessons tomorrow. Sigh. Music is the answer to my problems. My personal therapy. Yeup. The best is at a party crackin' and the others are together in Glendale. I should be at Arnel's birthday bash. Meh. Guess I'll call it a night early. Booo.

That's it for tonight, xoxo.


P.S., Hey girl, if you're not going to have the balls to talk to me face to face, I suggest you don't try to act like you have 'em by communicating with me through myspace, facebook, twitter, text etc. because that just makes you look pathetic. People who have more courage behind their computer/phone screens are just ridiculous. I laugh. Get over yourself, willya? You made the mistake and there's no turning back so why are you sitting by yourself and making yourself a pool of regret? Girl boo. Get the fuck out of here, trick.

Huh?

A week and a half left until winter break. I think I really need this break. I'm so sick of school and everything in it. Just so so sick of it allll. I need some time to myself. Hm.

So, I walked myself into the wrong mess again. I tried to tell myself and make myself believe I was in the right place but in the end of it all, I was the unlucky one who got her butt caught up with the wrong people..AGAIN. But that's okay, because over the past few weeks, I've come to realize who my real friends were; the ones that prove to me that they need me in their lives. And so, I'd like to say that people lie and sugarcoat their bullshit to make you believe their words but never trust anyone until that person can prove to you that they're being honest.

I should have been done with this so long ago but I was caught up in the thrill of the chase that I kept telling myself things can change when clearly, nothing did. So I really have no one to blame but myself right? Right.

Wooop! Yay me! :)
"Smile, and the world will smile with you."
-Mr. Budani.
Totaree!

Honesty was all I asked for but you failed to give me that much.