2009.

Hello 2009, it's nice to meet you. It's been approximately 19 days since you've been around and only a couple of weeks since retreat and I can't honestly say that I've been at my best behavior ever since. Arguments here and there with my grandparents. Little fits with them are like using drugs on a daily basis. Such a lame excuse, I know. And I gotta get rid of that habit, and get rid of it FAST. Don't get me wrong, I'm still at my state of what they call a "spiritual high" but I don't know. My feelings are so hard to explain. I wish I was a girl with a way with words. Haaa.

Lately, I'm feeling like my life is going no where. I tell myself that doing good in school will take me where ever I'm supposed to go. But where is it exactly that I'm heading? That's what I want to know. A few days ago, in AP English, our class was talking about God. I can't say that my thoughts were a bit questioned. I defended my beliefs but I don't know. Here's some questions that were brought up: What do you think about predestination? Does God know whether or not you end up in Heaven or Hell? What happens to those who don't believe in an afterlife? If God created everything, he created our brains, and our brains are what guide us into what decisions we make, so does that mean God knew that we end up where we end up? And if we believe in an omnipotent good spirit, why don't we believe that there is an evil one? Ohhh. The never ending, unanswered questions.

But aside from all these mixed up feelings and emotions, I'm still keeping my head up. Just because. What good will it do if you mourn over things that you can't change? I choose not to dig myself a deeper hole because there's so much more to life than just myself. But sometimes I wish I could just go away, for maybe a day or two. That would be awesome.


Too much thinking tonight. Thankfully there's no school tomorrow. If there was, I wouldn't be up at this hour obviously. Heh. Imissyou. 'Night.